When In Doubt, Wait It Out
In the past (maybe the more recent past than I’d like to admit), I was prone to being overeager in a new connection. I would get sad if they didn’t text me and would over-analyze and over-interpret every action or inaction. And inevitably, I would be the one to text first, reaching out when I didn’t hear from him.
One of my biggest takeaways from some of my worst connections is the cure for this over-analyzation and anxiety; conversely, it is also immensely difficult medicine to take: when in doubt, wait it out.
No matter the guy, no matter the nature of your connection, if he wants your attention, he will reach out. I don’t know if always being the first to text or “break the seal” necessarily changes someone’s attitude about me, but holding myself back helps to change my own confidence in myself. It is excruciating - when my mind is in that phase of constantly thinking about someone, projecting what they are doing and wondering if they are thinking about me too - to live in the ambiguity. I am nothing if not someone who thrives with answers, clarity, and boundaries. Maybe that’s why the early stages of dating are so frought for me, for any of us. The first days are, by definition, rife with uncertainty and a nebulousness that you must shore up yourself for if you’re going to see the connection through.
With the Boomerang Man, at the height of our time together, I would get the itch to text him like clockwork, about 3 days after I last saw him. And each time I told myself to stay strong, keep it together, and let him come to me, he would text me within 24 hours. Part of this was that he was a definitional ‘fuck boi’ but also he loved the cat and mouse of it all. When I indulged him in that, he thrived. When I broke the seal first, I could feel his disappointment. Something similar happened with Blondie - I held off texting him as much as I could but also didn’t want to be forgotten. I caved and would reach out, and in hindsight, I wish I hadn’t.
More recently, with my non-texting connection, I held off texting him for more than a week. I wanted to give him some space, and I kept reminding myself that if he wants to see me again, he will reach out. If he doesn’t want to see me again, then I’ll regret wasting time worrying about him. Lo and behold, I finally heard from him after nearly ten days of radio silence; and of course, there was a natural explanation. He was injured and would be down for the count for a few weeks. My patience paid off in the form of reassurance, if not an actual date.
So I maintain that my own advice of “when in doubt, wait it out” is sound. It’s the waiting that is hardest!
