Tough Lessons from Brief Men

“Connection” - it is the ultimate dating buzzword. We are all looking for that special “connection” where we are attracted to the person, they are attracted to us, and both people are excited to move forward.

The reality is that connections are usually ephemeral. They are subjective and often one sided. Inevitably, one person feels more strongly about the other than the other. And other connections may overtake your own. Connection is less of a starting gun going off than it is constantly being on a busy highway. More Frogger than The Need For Speed.

I say this all because I felt a strong connection recently. And I got dumped pretty early, pretty flagrantly by this connection. It was humiliating. He texted his sentiments and as a writer by trade, I assume he was particular about his word choice. This text managed to destroy any notion that he felt anything for me, in addition to being clear that I was dumped. I was just a good time, a thing, a passing car, to this man. There was no magical connection after all, at least not for him.

There is a certain category of crush that feels the most pernicious - the ones where they seem to be leaning in, but you’re left wondering whether they liked you at all at the end. My Patient Zero was one, my high school crush another. And sadly this guy was, too. How could I have felt so strongly about someone who felt nothing for me? It baffles me, every time.

I’ve come to appreciate one thing about these types of connections, though. They reflect ourselves back to us. I pour into this crush what I have to give - which is real, authentic connection and feeling. I really liked this man in part because he was cool, but also because I ascribed qualities I love in myself to him. I saw my own love that I have to give in him. And I have a lot of love to give. So I leaned in and got over my emotional skis. Imagine the tears that have been shed these last few days. It’s always a tough lesson when it happens. And it’s always embarrassing when the connection is so brief.

There are two sides of the coin that we use to bet our hearts - the risk of heartache and the joy of connection. We dig deeper into our pocket for this coin each time and deeper into ourselves in order to reach across the table to another person. Maybe it’s time to leave the change purse at home for a while. Hopefully, the next crush takes ApplePay.