I’m Good At Endings

Recently, I went on a couple dates with someone I met in the wild. We grabbed dinner, walked around neighborhoods, saw a dance performance, and had long leisurely chats. But sparks weren’t flying at the end of the day, and he initiated a mutual friend-zoning to conclude our dating. I’m happy to have another gentle “breakup” in my portfolio.

It was nice to be on the same page and unbothered when something ends. Of course, there is a little sadness for what could have been, but this was yet another good person who was engaging in an authentic way. It’s always good to see sign posts that the road has some good people still on it - it makes me excited about what could be laying ahead.

Over the many decades of dating, I’ve become very good at endings. For a lighter touch relationship, I’ll journal about it and maybe watch a sad movie to release some extraneous tears. If I caught real feelings, I listen to Willie Nelson, mope on the couch for a few days, go out with gusto the next weekend, and dive back into dating. At this point, how to handle a breakup is rote muscle memory for me.

It’s the ones that don’t end which baffle me. Now that I’ve had six or seven dates with someone, what comes next? Am I supposed to define the relationship? Push to be called a “girlfriend”? What if my feelings are still playing catch up? I find myself in new territory when something doesn’t end. Each new person who is a continuer reveals something new about myself, about what I want from a relationship, and what I’m seeking. Each one helps to answer the question of “what is it all for?”

I find myself in such a situation now, and for the first time in a long time, I’m just riding it out. I’m asking questions when I feel comfortable, I’m voicing concerns when I feel I need to, and I’m letting my feelings unfold naturally. I may not be as experienced at continuing as I am at ending, but I’m certainly going to do it my way.