I Think I’m Done With Weddings

I went to a family wedding last weekend. It had all the trimmings of a classic, contemporary wedding: a stunning but remote destination, a casual Friday night rehearsal dinner, a photo booth with wacky props, signature cocktails, and a surprisingly good dancefloor for a small wedding. It was for a cousin who keeps their emotional cards close to the chest for the most part - and it was the happiest I’d ever seen them. I was so happy for the couple and glad I was there.

But I also felt out of step. This cousin is about a decade younger, so most of the guests were younger, too. We were in a fairly isolated place and didn’t have quite enough time on Saturday to explore the area and also get ready for the wedding. My presence was happily expected, but not required. This was also the umpteenth wedding I’ve attended without a date (unless you count my sibling, who was also date-less, as their partner had to stay with the kids). And after this weekend, I think I’m done with weddings now.

Maybe I’m being cynical, but I’ve seen more-or-less the same dog-and-pony show for every wedding I’ve attended in the last 10 years. My perspective as a wedding guest differs greatly depending on my role in the wedding, how far away it is, and how expensive it is to attend. But my experience has been mostly the same. Arrive Friday, go to a dinner and make small talk with some people you know, waste a Saturday daytime to prep for Saturday night, dress up, go to a ceremony inevitably in the setting sun (where everyone is sweating and getting sunburned), listen to some heartfelt words, watch vows and exchange of rings, scurry to cocktail hour for some water and refreshments, sit for dinner, listen to speeches, toast, make your way to the dancefloor, and go to bed already stressed about Sunday’s travel plans. I’m not saying weddings aren’t meaningful, but I am sort of saying if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.

I have not often struggled with going solo to weddings, though I fear my recoiling here is related. In most cases, either I knew other people going or I was a bridesmaid (and therefore had a lot more responsibility). I danced as much as I wanted with plenty of friends and occasionally my parents. But for some reason, the touching words, heart-wrenching vows, and time honored traditions felt foreign to me this time. Not because of this particular couple (I’m sure my cousin and their partner will be very happy). I think it’s because through all my decades attending weddings (and working them, briefly, as a catering server), the emotions have stopped resonating. I feel increasingly separated from the bond that would compel a couple to marry. It feels like watching it on TV or watching a home movie back after the fact.

This out-of-touch feeling makes the prospect of attending another wedding tough. I no longer have the appetite to travel to a destination or wear a nice dress for someone else’s couplehood. I’m not sure I can sit through more vows without them feeling hollow to me, as someone who has never even come close to experiencing feelings that strong. I struggle enough on a daily and weekly basis to forget how often society and culture writ large remind me of my partner-less status. I can no longer knowingly spend a whole weekend being emotionally pied in the face to be a seat filler in someone else’s love story.

It makes me a little sad - to be so cynical and tired that I can’t enjoy one of the few celebratory moments that has survived 1000s of years of tradition. But that’s just it, I’m tired. So I think I’m done with weddings.