The Age Gap
For most of my life, I’ve dated men who are age appropriate. Maybe they were a few years older, but for the most part, they’ve been within +\- 3 years of my own age. In recent years, I’ve temporarily stretched it to 10 years a few times, and have come up empty.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the age gap recently - in part because of White Lotus, but in part because I realized that the oldest guy I ever dated (I was 22, he was 33) is now 50. FIFTY. I still think of myself as maybe 32, so this hit me like a ton of bricks. He is actually one of my favorite guys I’ve ever dated and our age difference was never really an issue. But wow - I’ve slept with an old man!
The other reason that age gaps have been on my mind: I think I’m nearing my cougar era. The majority of men who like my profile on Feeld are under 30 (min 9 years younger). The heartthrobs of today are almost half my age. And this morning, I learned that the deli guy who I’ve been flirting with for 2+ years is 18. He thought I was 28 (I was flattered). I thought he was in his 30s (he was appalled).
So what does an age gap mean? Who gets to judge? I am continually surprised when I do get flirty or vibe with someone who is outside that +\- 3 year window. We’ve been conditioned to think that moving outside our generation means something is lost. Maybe I’ve always thought that an age gap it’s a form of exoticism - of festishizing that which is markedly different from ourselves.
But also - we are all people. Our experiences through our lives are what shape us, more so than our numerical age. As that numerical age gets bigger, our portfolio of experience widens, and we have more in common with more people. I don’t know what the answer is. And I don’t think the sum of my experience and thoughts covers it. There will always be exceptions and relationships that do make sense with a larger age gap. I know what I’m looking for from an emotional and mental perspective, and as I get more “seasoning” shall we say, the field of who is emotionally and mentally aligned unfurls in every direction - even across time. I don’t think I’m ready to have a great love affair with a 25 year old. But maybe it’s time to start dating 50 year olds?
I did try to google the aforementioned now-50 year old, just to see what he is up to. Unfortunately, he has a very generic white man name and I have no current information about where he lives or what he does. I could spend a few hours sifting through FB, LI and IG and still not recognize him given that it’s been 17 years since we dated. But I hope he’s out there, having a good life. And hopefully that’s with someone who makes him really happy.
