Ideal Relationship Structures and the March of Time

This past week marked the season 3 finale of White Lotus and the internet has been on fire with reactions. Part of what I love about this show is swimming around in the zeitgeist, luxuriating in the meme-ification of each episode, and digesting all the insane fan theories. Early on, some fans were talking about “how great” the relationship between Rick (Walton Goggins) and Chelsea (Aimee Lou Wood) was, idealizing this grumpy-old-man-and-younger-optimistic-woman coupling.

I nearly vomited. My inner auntie came out fighting. How could anyone think that this relationship is something to aspire to? What standards do we have if this is the goal? While Chelsea’s character is immature in a few ways, she is not ignorant of she’s dealing with: an emotional unavailable, volatile former hit man. Or con man. Or something illegal. I don’t object to his dubious professional background. I don’t even object to their age gap (ok I do, but that’s not the point).

I object to their dynamic. I haven’t seen anything in their scenes to suggest there is a real emotional connection, at least on Rick’s part. He doesn’t seem to consider her, pay attention to her or value her. She’s just - there. She’s a two-dimensional character to help Rick advance his storyline (and enable a weird accidental sex party). She has repeatedly told other characters how much she loves him, they are soulmates and their fates are interwoven. I believe she believes it. But why does she think that? What’s her evidence for her love? I won’t spoil the ending, but there’s nothing in any part of the season to suggest that he feels the same.

Maybe I’m being overly sensitive to their dynamic because I recognize myself in Chelsea. A woman blindly falling for a man and cherishing a connection that he is indifferent to is a story too close to many of my own. She has that heady combination of youth, naïveté and belief in her soulmate that I had myself back in the day.

While I have since learned my lesson (over and over and over again), the Chelseas of the world still have their lessons ahead of them. Each new generation has to learn how to manage their hearts in their own time. We are all doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past - it’s part of what makes us human. I can’t stop others from having their hearts broken by unfeeling men anymore than someone could stop me (in the past or in the future). I can’t save Chelsea’s heart from following whatever makes it beat for Rick.

So we beat on, boats against the current…. I’m kidding. But really - we do go on. We cry and ruminate and watch our comfort movies on repeat. We eat too much ice cream and stay in our PJs all day. Then we pick ourselves up, have a glow up, and keep breathing. We go out dancing and lean into our communities and one day found that we did go on. Until the next heartbreak rolls into town.

And the next one always comes, as long as we are alive. It’s the sign that we are still living.