The 100% Success Rate Bar
First dates can feel formulaic. You meet up for a drink or a coffee, you swap stories about growing up and how many siblings you have, what you do for work, and what TV shows you are watching. Since first dates are still rife with stress, picking a location you’ve been to before can help to quell some of the stress.
Over time, some of us develop “standard” first date spots. Not every first date takes place here, but when my neighborhood is most convenient or the guy resists making a decision about where to meet, I find it helpful to have a suggestion ready.
In my younger days, a bar called Noc Noc in San Francisco was my go-to first date spot. It was a little divey, and the decor inside was kind of wild. Imagine if the stepmom from Beetlejuice curated a dive bar and the only light source was black light. I loved it - but it was also A LOT. One of the reasons I kept coming back to Noc Noc again and again is that I realized if a guy could hang with this bar, if he found it fun and funny to be trying to get to know someone in this chaotic interior, he was probably a good guy for me. If he didn’t get it, he probably was not for me.
It’s been at least a decade since Noc Noc was my dating home base, but I’ve continued to develop a go-to first date spot in most of the neighborhoods I’ve lived in. At my previous apartment, the not-too-divey, but not-too-fancy neighborhood bar around the corner was the perfect place. An extensive beer, wine and cocktail menu, a friendly staff, and a variety of seating made this an perfect, low-risk option. It paid off too - I am proud to say that I kissed 100% of the men I brought there for first dates. Those bartenders have seen me getting felt up in dark corners and blatantly making out at the bar. Some of those guys didn’t make it past that first date, but a few did. I still consider it to be the gold standard for first date spots.
Though I’ve been living in my current place for almost 3 years, I have not yet defined a first date spot for myself. There is cocktail bar I’ve been to with multiple dates - but none of those progressed past that, so I now feel like the bar is cursed. One potential bar is excellent - a hole-in-wall vinyl bar with excellent cocktails - but it sometimes feels too intimate (it’s quite small) and open (no nooks to hide in for canoodling) for a date vibe. But it’s got possibility, so I’m keeping it as an option.
At the end of the day - or date - all that matters is feeling comfortable enough to be yourself on a first date, and to take in as much information as you can about the other person. But it certainly helps to have a 100% success rate bar seat to be sitting in.
