What’s the Point of a Dick Pic?

A perennial punchline in the online dating world is the unsolicited dick pic. A visual proof point of a man’s meaty contribution, surrendered voluntarily, without request. For all the flack that men receive about not getting vulnerable, they are too often willing to expose the most intimate part of themselves for no discernible reason.

Yes, it grosses me out. It grosses most women out. While the occasionally solicited picture of naughty bits can be fun, it’s the consent that make it hot. The digital equivalent of exposing oneself without permission is just as unseemly as a trench coat-clad stranger, lurking in a dark alley.

Yet, the unsolicited dick pic persists. Even with careful vetting and crafty conversation, I still get my fair share of them on dating apps. It’s whack-a-mole for flesh snakes.

Whenever I have called a man out for sending my a dick pic, I have universally gotten the same response: “Sorry, I was just testing the water”. Testing what water? To see if I would push back? Put you in your place? I am convinced there is a manual for being creepy that says this line works to wiggle out of the crass and corrupt practice.

The topic of dick pics came up on a date earlier this week and the guy provided the to-date best explanation (if not excuse) I had heard. He posited that if a guy is swiping on a dating app while masturbating, the lack of blood flow to the brain and real women “available” at their finger tips confuses them. And so they snap a quick pic and fire it off. Again, this is not an excuse. And honestly, it still felt like an inconclusive explanation. I am certainly not letting any guy off the hook for “masturbating while stupid”. I almost think I’m more confused after this attempt to clarify. But it was nice to get an acknowledgement from a man that the practice of unsolicited dick pics is ridiculous.

All in all, I still can’t understand it. Sending a dick pic tanks the chances of a woman wanting to meet you and sleep with you. And conversely, if I want to sleep with someone, I want the dick to be a surprise! Sharing the visual details before I can discover them for myself is like if Santa told you what he was bringing you before Christmas. The thrill is in the anticipation and the wait.

A dick pic man is maybe just that. He’s the dick out to ruin it for everyone else.