Two Sides of the Same Coin

“He was a lonely person. Romantic, too, which made his loneliness worse” - The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley

I am currently reading this time-travel book, and the above line struck me. It gave words to something deeply held inside that I have struggled to articulate: Romance and loneliness are two sides of the same coin. They are the twin forces in the depths of our hearts that create and fuel yearning.

If I had to define myself on the spectrum of romance, I’d have to say I am a deeply closeted romantic. Or maybe a romantic in deep denial. What I crave from a romantic partner doesn’t ever seem to pan out in real life. So I keep trying to tell myself that I don’t want it, driving myself deeper into denial.

Unfortunately, I think my loneliness thrives in the vacuum left by unfulfilled romance. The fantasy carved out a cave in my heart, and something must fill the void. So the longing that started the process morphs into the loneliness that holds tight to the cave walls. It waits for eviction rather than seeking companionship. Having a romantic nature digs me into deeper holes, where loneliness can grow and fester, unmonitored.

I often think of relationships - any kind of relationship - as explorations into the depths of our heart. Our friends and family members help us to grow and evolve as emotional, connected humans (whether we like it or not, sometimes). They are the people that we venture together with, into the depths of new emotional landscapes and nuances of connection. I know that there are layers and lands far from where I am now that can only be explored with a romantic connection. So even though loneliness comes with the territory, I’m saddling up to go forth on the wild frontier of romanticism.