Stop Picking on the “Pick Me” Girls
I went on a lovely first date the other night with a guy who is decidedly not a sports guy. Which is absolutely fine. Sports don’t often make it on my radar and as I’ve buried myself further into the parts of life that make me happy, there is not much overlap with ESPN.
There are a few exceptions though. Right now, it is NBA playoffs season and I have a deep nostalgia for the 1990s Knicks. I was a tomboy, who played basketball (very, very badly) at a time when our hometown team was pretty good. So when the playoffs roll around and the Knicks are in it, I’m in.
A bizarre series of random events also landed a nonfiction book about the 1990s Knicks on my shelf a few months ago, so as the boys in blue and orange are gearing up to fight their way forward towards a championship, I decided to read this book. It’s a physical book, so its spine was peering out of my purse during the aforementioned date. The gentleman was a bit taken aback. He asked if I was a big sports gal (“No”) and I explained the book’s origin. But I think he looked at me with a bit of suspicion after that.
I realized that this book can really look like a “pick me” girl move. Maybe he thought that I was trying to seem like a cool girl who likes sports by reading this book in public, signaling to straight sports guys that I’m down with professional basketball. In my case, it’s curiosity and coincidence. But I can see how it might look cringey, “pick me” and trying too hard.
For younger women, being a “pick me” is one of the worst things you could be. Similarly for Millennials, ‘trying too hard’ is a kiss of death. In both cases, there is an accusation that a woman is posturing enthusiasm about something specifically to get male attention and fake a bond to create romantic interest.
But can you tell the difference between someone trying something new and trying something with the intention of attracting someone else? We’ve all been down the road of pretending to be into something our crush likes - a band, a book, a restaurant, golf. I once tried to play Halo because I thought a boy was cute. But sometimes, you end up enjoying those things because, well, they’re fun!
So I’m here to do a small defense of trying things for “pick me” reasons. It’s not bad. Recreating your whole life to cater to the male gaze - that’s “pick me” and sounds terrible. But stepping out of your comfort zone every once and a while because you’re attracted to someone is a net positive I think. We’re all too consumed with what others think. And in this case, I’m actually really enjoying this book!
So here’s a non-exhaustive list of things I’ve liked because liking a man inspired me to try it:
Swimming, as an adult
Ultimate Frisbee in college
Midtown, my favorite band on Drive Thru Records
Seinfeld (yes, really)
Knafeh - a really delicious Middle Eastern dessert
