Crossing the Parental Threshold

I am trying to get better at remembering my dreams. And last night, I had a doozy. I dreamt that the man I am currently seeing (casually) took me on a “surprise” date where I met his parents. And somehow this evolved into my parents joining us too and meeting him. I felt uncomfortable throughout the “date” and woke up in a cold sweat when my dream-mom starting asking me when we were getting married.

After waking, I calmed down very quickly. This man and I have been clear that we are not moving in that direction. My brain internalized some matrimonial pressure and displaced it, in a dream state, onto this guy. But clearly, crossing the parental threshold is on my brain.

I have never introduced a boyfriend to my parents. This is not because they had rules about dating or were hard on me about boyfriends. Quite the opposite - my dad said very early on that he would be delighted to meet anyone I brought home, as he trusted my judgment and knew anyone who I deemed worthy of myself would be great.

The closest I came to crossing the parental threshold with a man was introducing my parents to my teenage dream boy (often referred to here as Patient Zero). They could tell I mooned over him and also that he was a great guy, or at least the kind of guy every parent hopes their daughter brings home. When it did not ever come together with us, I became embarrassed. And I vowed to never jump the gun on another man. I wanted to be sure that the guy would stick around before ever revealing someone to them again.

Cut to 20 years later - I have not met anyone worthy, of me or my parents. I have not dated anyone I would be proud to introduce to my parents. I have never been with someone long enough to let them into my family circle.

To me, crossing that parental threshold is perhaps the highest standard I have in my dating life. And I keep searching for someone to rise to that level.